God The Father of the Creases — Exemplary Excerpts from the Ridiculous Spoof

edwardopec69 — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 00:41:16 +0000

Excerpts from “The Lord of the Wrinkles” from Part One: The Foolship of the Ring”So, Sourman, old buddy, old pal,” Gandoff said. “How’s it hanging?”The unpleasant white expert frowned. “Do not beat round the bush, Gandoff Gravybeard. Let us cut to the chase. I know why you’ve come.”Gandoff whistled, feigning innocence as he inspected the gloomy family area of Sourman’s podium, IcingLard. “This place can use a facelift,” he explained. “I can recommend a fantastic feng shui consultant.”"I have a better idea,” Sourman said. “Join with us. Join the forces of evil which have allied themselves with Sarong. His could be the lidless eye that never sleeps.”"Hmmm, insomnia, yes. No wonder he is so cranky most of the time.” Gandoff backed approach from Sourman, racing. “Not so fast, Gandoff.” Sourman forced the panic button on his security program. All step gates slammed shut and a kitchen drawer flew open, revealing a worth of bottled water and processed goods. “Put up your dukes, Gandoff!”Sourman made Gandoff ugly in midair and held out his team. Cents rained from Gandoff’s pockets. His staff was pointed by sourman at the roof, and Gandoff rose bigger, gray gown billowing down around his face, revealing spindly legs and a set of boxer shorts with “Thursday” produced throughout them.Sourman advanced toward Gandoff. “You dare to oppose Sarong,” he snarled. “Now you’ll know what it’s to experience pain.”"Actually,” said Gandoff, his voice muffled by the robe, “I already know how suffering feels, so we could miss this part and preserve ourselves some time.”"No,” Sourman said. “Let us perhaps not and say we did.” * * *from Part Two: The Deja Vu TowersThe four friends sought out the battle site identified by Ee-i-ee-i-oh-mir. In a short time they spotted it, and when they pulled through to horseback and chariot, the heap of Oink and Urk remains was still smoking. A chill wind blew discarded document napkins along the surface, and the fragrance of barbecue sauce lingered in the air. Most poignant of, only a little charred bobbit belt sat atop the stack. “Then we are too late,” Legolips mentioned, his countenance grave.”Not so much as a child back rib to be had.” Gimme hung his head. “The picnic is long past.”"I meant too late for Morrie and Pimple,” Legolips said. “We failed them.”Bonyrear whispered, “Fate.”"Perhaps not.” Airborne dismounted, learning songs in the soil. “Here put a bobbit,” he explained, pointing to an area, “and another.” His pace was quickened by him, pursuing the trail. “They crawled far from the battle.” Airborne’s dramatically produced following skills light emitting diode him forward. “They stopped for a go and a beer.” One other three, significantly excited, followed Airborne closely.”They contacted their broker,” he said, pointing to a set outcropping of stone, “and discussed how to reduce their tax burden by deferring benefits in a Roth IRA, which allows for tax-free distribution of the account’s earnings so long as certain problems are met.” He knelt, crawled a few feet forward, and sniffed the ground. “Then an arrived after them with a, and they ran…”Airborne stood, looking up. His gaze was followed by the others, and a deep sense of foreboding fell upon them..”..into Fandango Forest,” Airborne concluded.Copyright (c) 2004 Leah Carson

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God The Father of the Creases — Exemplary Excerpts from the Ridiculous Spoof