Shyness-A Routine That Hurts More Employees Than Smoking or Drinking
80% of Americans are shy in at least in certain circumstances, according to Dr. Phillip Zimbardo of Stanford University, who reported this finding in his book, SHYNESS.That makes shyness a more general handicap and a more vexing problem than abnormal smoking or drinking.I have trained energetic, burly 250 lb salesmen who have no difficulty exuding confidence when closing deals face to face, but they break right into a cold sweat when they are expected to obtain on the telephone and make a few calls.How would you handle this malady and succeed?I have a different simply take on this matter than most, since I see shyness as a HABIT, and maybe not as an inherent personality attribute. I ponder over it a set of actions that we repeat since we get the effects rewarding.How can that be?Well, let us imagine a garden barbecue. A shy person might elicit interest and sympathy because she doesn’t seem to be having any fun. Attention is reinforcing, and one can obtain it on a reasonably reliable basis 2000 acting shyly.Moreover, shyness enables us to prevent what we anticipate is likely to be much more unpleasant episodes and encounters. If you can sidestep having to function on that business discussion section you’ll reduce steadily the likelihood that you’ll look foolish before an important professional audience when it is your time to remain and deliver.Every time you avoid a devastating outing you may reward yourself by quietly saying, “Whew! I dodged yet another bullet!” and feel relieved.The key would be to operate at breaking, or at least better controlling, the avoidance habit.Instead of saying “no” to probably face-losing activities, we should practice saying yes. 1998 undertaking what Dr. Albert Ellis calls “shame attacking” exercises, we could peel away our resistance to acting more extroverted.For case, as a young child I recall being afraid, getting rides with my parents and reading them, and their friends, statement, “He is really quiet!” I promise you I was the loudest man on the playground and athletic grounds, but yes, the art of conversation with adults wasn’t my strong suit before adolescence.I had to work at public speaking to overcome my fear of it. I did just that and in a short time I loved doing, in forensics, argument and in drama.Building on my new communication skills, I put myself through college and graduate schools in sales and administration and even taught speaking in public at the college level for a number of years.But I have found that shyness is definitely an ongoing battle, and we never fully and completely conquer this foe.In other words, when we do not practice shyness targeting actions on an ongoing basis, relentlessly, we may RELEARN and succumb again to our shyness.For case, there have been times within my consulting practice when I have not had to offer very often. A few large clients, and some very effective indirect marketing initiatives, have been profitable enough to keep me involved offering plans without having to over and over repeatedly offer more of them.So, from time to time, I had get rusty and more substantial, my sales unwillingness would develop to the purpose that I would have to force myself to cold call. Needless to say, after I succeeded, I reminded myself of how successful I am, and I zapped any timidity that had built up to that point.You may have heard the expression that the best way of taming our anxiety is to perform repeated acts of courage.If you’re shy, and you want to succeed, this is not an option.It is a necessity.You may feel especially vexed by shyness if you tell yourself that you shouldn’t be feeling it. Looking back at having wrestled with it properly, before, you may feel some shame that it is bothering you again, especially if you are in a high-profile setting in sales, administration, consulting, or professional speaking.I suggest thinking of battling shyness as the costs you’ve to cover, occasionally. When you have not chipped-in for quite a while, you simply have a larger balance to pay off, but believe me, you can do it!
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